RIVALRY Week!

Strap in College Football Fans, its RIVALRY WEEK!

Throw out the records, hang your season and all your hopes on the line, go out and play the guys that you hate the most and above all, feel free to commit a personal foul penalty from time to time just to spice things up. This week is all about the rivalries, trophies and pride.

Hey! The NBA is back. Oh, wait. I couldn’t care less. I was so hoping that their labor dispute would drag on so I could go a whole year without hearing about Kobe Bryant. Moving on…

Last week I said the BCS should look like this (1-10): LSU, Alabama, Arkansas, Virginia Tech, Stanford, Oklahoma State, Stanford, Oregon, Boise State, Oklahoma. (Guess nobody noticed that I had Stanford in there twice. I couldn’t make up my mind on them)

And instead it looked like this (1-10): LSU, Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma State, Virginia Tech, Stanford, Boise State, Houston, Oklahoma, Oregon.

Now, obviously the BCS computers don’t read this blog nor would they listen to me if they did, because I have NO love for Houston and I think Oregon is a way better team than either Oklahoma or Boise State. The computers LOVE Oklahoma and Oklahoma State. I don’t think VT is that good, but their record will keep them in the top 5. Anyway, this week and next week will tell us a lot about how these teams will end up come Bowl selection time.

How can you tell the female student who is a college football fan from the north from the female student who is a college football fan from the south?
The female student from the north is a physics major who understands Sylvia Plath.
The female student from the south is a Miss USA contestant and understands the west coast offense.

I’m altering the format this week and instead of ranking the games, I’ll just start at the top and work my way down the rankings. And, for those of you that care, going into the final week, my college picking accuracy is at 92.5% this year. Fail.

So with all that hate hanging in the air, let’s get on with this week’s games….

GAMES OF THE WEEK:

The Battle for the Golden Boot
#1 LSU over #3 Arkansas 41-17
This game was THE most important as far as the BCS went this weekend, but even more important to each of the schools. And, the score does not show just how close this game really was… for a half. It was all defense in the first quarter and felt like two boxers feeling each other out through the first round. But, Arkansas scored to start the second and was up 14-0 before LSU scored and then tied it on an awesome 92-yard punt return. The Tigers then scored again to take a 21-14 lead into the half. Arkansas got a field goal to start the 3rd and then… well then LSU just pulled away. However, the story here was LSU’s defense shutting the Razorbacks down. Arkansas managed 50 plays on offense (22 passing and 28 rushing) but for only 47 rushing yards (that’s a 1.7 yrd average) and 207 through the air.

LSU’s QB Jordan Jefferson had a good game and it looks like LSU is just going to cruse to a National Title this year. The Tigers are now 12-0 for the first time in the school’s history. They are the best team in college football AND they have awesome stuff like this…

The Iron Bowl
#2 Alabama over #24 Auburn 42-14
This is one of the greatest rivalries in all of sports. Every year is means something and love em’ or hate em’ the people of Alabama put on a great game. However, this one was never close.
The upset minded Tigers were just way over matched in this game and could do nothing to stop Alabama from making their case to meet LSU again in the National Championship Game. Really this was simple. Alabama played great defense and Trent Richardson went off for 203 yards on the ground but was amazingly held out of the end zone. Total yards? How about Alabama 407 to Auburn’s 157. Ouch. Guess this was a little pay back for last year.

The Battle for the Commonwealth (The Commonwealth Cup)
#4 Virginia Tech crushes Virginia 38-0
Now that’s a rivalry beat down type score. I’ve never thought this was one of the top rivalries but this one meant something to Tech since the win gives them the division championship and putting a beat down on your rival in their house is always nice especially since Virginia was riding a 4 game win streak in the series. This was also the first time that Virginia was shut out at home since 1984. How do you keep a Virginia football player out of your yard?
Put up a goalpost.

The Legends Trophy
#5 Stanford over #22 Notre Dame 28-14
Was I alone in NOT noticing that Notre Dame had moved back into the Top 25? They were 8-3 coming into this game, so, I guess that’s legit. Oh wait, no, it’s Notre Dame. This game was a tale of two halves since Stanford won the first 21-0 then Notre Dame tried to pull off a comeback wining the second 14-7. But the hot start by Luck and the Tree gives Stanford the Legends Trophy and a year’s worth of bragging rights. Ahhhh Notre Dame…. You SUCK!

The Civil War and the Platypus Trophy
#10 Oregon burns through Oregon State like Sherman through Atlanta 49-21
Great rivalry, but what a crappy trophy. Anyway, I love that in a rivalry you can put a beat down on and then pull your starters. Nothing says ‘I hate you, but you’re not even worth my time’ like pulling your starters. I get it. Oregon ‘rested’ their starters for next week’s championship game and knew they had this game won after they took a 28-7 lead into the half and a 42-7 lead early in the 4th. So, no need to run up the score and risk injury to your starters.

Battle of the Palmetto State
#12 South Carolina runs over #17 Clemson 34-13
It’s always a good day when the rednecks beat up on other rednecks. But it’s even better when the rednecks getting beaten are the rednecks from Clemson. This win is especially sweet for South Carolina since it gives them 10 wins for only the second time in school history. Even with that great season they won’t be playing for an SEC Championship because of the Dawgs having a slightly better season. "Historically, Clemson has owned this series," Gamecocks coach Steve Spurrier said. "They don't own us now." Amen Coach.

There is nothing worse than hearing a Clemson fan drone on about how good their team is year in and year out while watching them play sub-par ACC schools and then suck it up at the end of the year. This loss drops the Tigers to 9-3 and sends them to face Virginia Tech for the ACC Championship on a losing streak. The loss will also probably drop them to near the bottom of the Top 25. So, Clemson fans… SHUT THE HELL UP!

Clean, Old-Fashioned HATE
#13 Georgia craps on #23 Georgia Tech 31-17
This is not only one of my favorite rivalries but my ALL TIME favorite name for a rivalry. Nothing says ‘I Hate You’ like having the word Hate in the name of your rivalry game. I just love that it’s clean unadulterated, no bones about it, I HATE YOU!

Oh how sweet this win is too. Not only did Georgia lock up a 10 win season, they did it against the fags from Georgia Tech who were picked to win this game by all the ‘experts.’ They thought Georgia had nothing to play for and that Tech would ‘want’ it more. Not so fast my friend! Georgia had everything to play for; that everything being whippin’ Tech’s ass.

“Oh the spread option is so awesome and we are soooo prolific in our scoring.” Yeah, no. Fuck you. Go back to your calculators and add up all those yards you racked up in the second half. It shouldn’t take you too long since you only got 79.

"I don't like losing to nobody, but when it's in-state, when it's your rival," Tech linebacker Julian Burnett said, his voice trailing off. "We're tired of being the little brothers in the state." Um… maybe Burnett should talk to his coach then and get him to design a better offense and not throw in the towel in the 4th quarter. Well except for when Paul Johnson showed his class by spiking the ball with :08 on the clock down 31-17 in order to get another play in for his backup QB who was in the game, “getting some practice in.” Tech then gets a false start penalty and the game ends with the aforementioned backup scrambling around and then getting tackled after about a 5 yard gain. Douche Bag. Also, it should be "losing to anybody" not "nobody." I guess he was just trying to prove that he sucks at more than football.

I hope Aaron Murray laughed himself to sleep last night after burning Tech and exposing their God Awful secondary in this game. I hope all those people on all those pre-game shows are having fun pulling their feet out of their mouths after saying Georgia’s defense was going to get “exposed” by Tech. I know the UGA fans that dominated a whole corner of Tech’s stadium and could be heard on TV chanting and cheering over the Tech fans loved this one.
Hey Tech fans… FUCK YOU!!! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
The Game
#15 Michigan gets a win over Ohio State for the first time in eight years 40-34
Worst name ever. Just too pretentious and self-assuming. Well, that’s the Big-10 for you. What with the ‘Leaders’ and ‘Legends’ divisions, did you expect anything else?

Denard Robinson had one hell of a game in this one though. 5 TDs on the day (3 passing 2 rushing). His performance was just icing on the Ohio State shit-cake that is the 2011 season that stands at 6-6 and what I hope will be another Bowl loss to a SEC team. Wouldn’t it be awesome if a team like Vandy beat OSU in a bowl game? I would just fall over laughing and then laugh some more. Anyway, this was one of the better games on Saturday since a lot of the other rivalries were simply blowouts this year. Congrats to the maize and blue for snapping OSU’s win streak in the rivalry and completing a 10 win season.

I thought Urban Myer was “tired” and “wants to spend more time with his family away from the stress of the college game.” So why was he commentating on games and now is pretty much a lock for the Ohio State job next year? His wife and kids must suck.

What do you get if you drag a $100 bill through the ghetto?
An Ohio State recruit.

Heroes Game
#21 Nebraska over Iowa 20-7
Another crap name from a crap Big-10 rivalry. This game used to be referred to as the ‘Zeroes Game’ around my house during the Thanksgiving Holidays because we’d rather have taken a nap than watch it. But, Nebraska isn’t that bad these days and well, they proved it by rolling over Iowa in this year’s snoozer.

The Lone Star Showdown
#25 Texas broke the hearts at Texas A&M 27-25
The lone ‘star’ in this game was Texas QB Case McCoy. That’s right, he’s Colt’s younger brother. Anyway, he broke off a long run on the final drive after what had to have been the WORST call I’ve seen all year by an official that gave Texas 15 free yards for a “personal foul” that wasn’t even contact. After that it was tick and pick for field goal position and the game was over. A&M played really hard in this one and deserved to win what may be the last time we see this rivalry for a while. They’ve been playing it since 1894 and now with A&M moving to the SEC it could be going away. I hope not though because this is a great game every year.

And now I would like to present this year’s...

PILLOW FIGHT RIVALRY GAMES

The Backyard Brawl
West Virginia over Pittsburgh 21-20
They brought the pillows out into the backyard this year as the Big East continues to try and convince us of its relevancy. But, this was a ‘good’ game. Down 20-7 WV dominated the second half and pulled out a win at home thanks to 10 sacks including one on the final Pitt drive as time expired; oh, and some really bad Pitt special teams play. Will an 8-3 West Virginia team get the automatic BCS bid? If they beat S. Florida next week, they just may.

The Victory Bell
North Carolina over Duke 37-21
I guess since one team would technically have to win the game, Victory Bell is an appropriate name. Wow. It’s not basketball but I assume that rivalry transfers to football as well. Blah. Blah. Balh. It’s the ACC and it’s Duke and North Carolina. Need I say more?

The Sunshine Showdown
Florida State gets out sucked by Florida 21-7
In a game that used to mean something every year… this year it was just about pride. Florida just sucks this year. Period. John Brantley had a horrible game and then got knocked out of it in the second quarter. Florida committed 4 turnovers and managed only 7 points on a meaningless TD with about 5 minutes left in the game. Florida State on the other hand somehow won this game despite racking up only 95 total yards of offense and 7 first downs. Since 2000, no team has EVER won a game with fewer than 100 yards of offense. Wow.

These teams may not be putting quality out on the field, but one thing is for sure, they do still continue to put quality in the seats.
The Egg Bowl
Mississippi State scrambles Ole Miss and Huston Nutt; 31-3
Get it? Egg Bowl. Scramble? Never mind. This game is not even worth typing about. It’s just a classic rivalry and Nutt’s last game at Ole Miss. Nutt ends with a 24-26 overall record at Ole Miss, including a 10-22 mark in conference games. The Rebels have lost 14 straight SEC games. Not Good.

The Battle for the Barrel
Kentucky beats Tennessee for the first time since 1984; 10-7

A Kentucky fan and a Tennessee fan, fighting side-by-side, were captured during World War II and sentenced to die by firing squad. The enemy commander asked the Tennessee fan if
he had any last requests. The Vol said, "I want to hear Rocky Top one last time."
The Kentucky fan was then asked if he had any last requests.
"Yes, shoot me first!"

Tennessee finishes the year at 5-7 and with their 6-7 finish last year, has ended seasons with consecutive losing records for the first time since 1910-11. I love this more than redneck Tennessee fans like camouflage, chewing tobacco and the color orange.

They should change this to ‘The Orange Pants Bowl’ since Derek Dooley continues to disgrace his last name by wearing those god awful pants week in a week out. If Tennessee wins, the UK coach has to wear orange pants for the next year’s game. If Kentucky wins, they get to strip Dooley straight out of his pants after the game and burn them on the 50 yard line. Dooley would then have to walk home in his tighty whities in shame.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR:
Part One of Championship Saturday and…
Oklahoma vs. Oklahoma State in The Bedlam Series
Iowa State and Kansas State in Farmageddon!!!! (That’s really what it’s called. There is no way I could have made something that great up.)