My photo
Charleston, SC, United States
"Fear is a stranger to the ways of love. Identify with fear, and you will be a stranger to yourself." -ACIM

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Like a rollin' stone

So, just as a piece of insight, I have kidney stones. Sounds like an old man disease, but it mostly affects men between the ages of 30 and 40. So there.

They started on me about a month or so ago and got to the point where I actually had to go have myself looked at by an actual "doctor." Now I don't have the 'giving birth to a small child' stones, I have the series of "small" stones that feel like a BB that slides around your back, down through your abdomen and then... well... out. Its painful. Not drop to your knees painful, but pretty rough sometimes.

The reason that I've gotten on this topic today is that after a break from these little bastards for a while, I had one roll through on me last night. Ugh. Sitting at work with nowhere to go and no place to lay down. (Ironic for a hotel I know). So anyway, this hell span is rolling through my body and I'm sitting here trying to make it through my shift and then I started going through ways to find home remedies.

So I've used apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, and tons of water. That has been tired. I then found that I need to order some Dandelion Root and Uva Ursi. I've stayed hydrated. Trust me. I'm hydrated. But man, these little things just seem to keep coming back. I was ok this morning but right after I headed into work I felt another one leave my left kidney and start its journey through my urinary track.

Too much information dear reader? Sorry. They say that these stones run in the family and mine sure does have a history of them. However I'm less and less inclined to believe such hereditary excuses these days. Others say stones are caused by unresolved anger. My family also has a history of that.

I'd like to believe that I can find a way to release that anger a lot more productively and creatively rather than leaving it all balled up and then allowing to manifest as hell spawn prongs that I then have to let rip through me. I'm better than that. I can treat my body well through diet and exercise and I can treat my whole system well by clearing my mind out and letting a lot of anger go.

But why oh why am I so angry? I don't feel like an angry guy. I don't come across that way nearly as much as I used to when I was younger, so... what's the deal? No seriously, what is it? I'm at a loss. Trying to dig up 5,000 things from the past that I could be still angry about seems pointless. If that exercise seems pointless then how could any anger it digs up have any meaning to me? Is that the trick? It seems pointless so therefore it isn't? I'd rather live in the moment and deal with what's going on with me now. But, now for some reason feels great! I'm being much more honest with myself and I'm much more open about what's going on in my life. Where is the anger? I'd being lying if I said I didn't feel it "down there" but its not "present" on the surface everyday, so I seem to have the ability to either ignore it or have the disability of not being able to see it.

Kidney Stones. They suck! Anger. It sucks! I've gotta go dear reader. Still work to be done here this afternoon and I've got some more water to drink. Only a few more ounces and I can probably get rid of this last one passing through.

No comments: