We’re All Gonna Die!

It’s true. One day you, me, all of us are going to die. So what? What does that mean to you?

Death is not a subject that we feel comfortable talking about at dinner parties or social gatherings. We talk about it in passing only when someone we know has died. ‘Oh did you hear that so-and-so passed away?’ ‘Yeah, he was a good guy. Give his wife my condolences.’ End of conversation. How quickly does your mind go back to some other subject? Our minds don’t want to deal with death especially when it’s our own. Death? No thank you. I’d rather worry about the checking account balance thank you very much. Or, how about that Lindsay Lohan huh? What a mess she’s found herself in am I right? Focus up! Today we’re going to talk about death.

Why? Why this question? Because I’ve been forced these past few weeks to realize that death is real and that my death is real and that that is ok. It’s ok. Death before dying is not a bad thing. Understanding our own death and its consequences is just a big of a part of our lives as understanding our living. Bigger even because we are constantly avoiding and fearing our own deaths. Our physical death does not end our spiritual journey.

Two weeks ago I felt a thump. A thump and a flutter in my chest. I really thought nothing of it until over the next few days that thump and flutter because a light headedness and a faintness and more thumping and more fluttering. By the weekend I was in some pain. I ended up going to a doctor and got some blood work, a chest x-ray and an EKG done. Verdict: Clean health, no problems, just a naturally occurring irregular heartbeat. What a relief right? But it didn’t go away. Even with that sense of relief, it didn’t go away. My relief turned back into fear.

What was I afraid of? Medical debt? Loss of work? Pain? No. Death! Death is a fear so great that it could wake the dead. We “live” our lives in fear of death. But what I’m questioning here is why? What am I really afraid of? I’m afraid of an ending of this. We’re all afraid of an ending to this. Think about that for a second… now laugh. If all of this were to end tomorrow, then what? What?

Think about it this way. I’m dead. You just got the news. Now what? Does the sun not come up tomorrow? Does the world stop spinning? Does your life cease to have meaning? No. (Now I don’t plan on dying anytime soon nor do I have a desire to, so hopefully it will be years before you get that news dear reader). But think about it. If everyone you loved died tomorrow, then what? You would be faced with nothing more than yourself. Just you looking back at you. The only loving thing you can do is just wish them the best on their next journey and continue on with yours. If you really think about it that is all you can do. Grief, sadness, remorse, regret, all do nothing for you. Love for those around you is the only thing you can do. Take the love that you directed towards those that have died and pass it on to those around you. Strangers, neighbors, co-workers, are they less important now to the world than those who have died?

Take a day and think about what you truly think happens to you after you die. Do YOU stop being? What happens to the YOU in you? What I think I’m trying to get to here is the whole concept of death before I die. I have to be ok with what happens to the ME in me when I die. You can call that the soul or the spirit or whatever you’re comfortable with, but just know that you’ll need to make peace with death at some point. But we don’t end. There is no end. You’re not afraid of an ending really we’re just afraid of an unknown. We’re afraid of letting go of this dream world we’ve created for ourselves and of letting go of the people we love and the things that we think we love. Death is not as final as we like to think it is. We can shift out perception of it and try to eliminate our fear of it but death is something that we’re all going to have to deal with. If it all falls away, what are you left with?

While I am feeling a lot better physically these past few days, to be honest the subject of death has not been far from my mind. Maybe this whole ‘health scare’ was presented to me to teach me a lesson about death. Maybe not. Maybe it was to teach someone else a lesson. Maybe it was you. I’m hoping over the next few weeks and months that I can, with practice have a better understanding of my relationship with death. I want to be at peace with death because I don’t want to live in fear of death and in order to do so I’m going to need to spend some time with it.

That’s it for now dear reader. Sorry to leave you sitting in your own pool of thoughts, but this one you’ve got to do on your own.