Resolutely Patient

Well... it's 2016 and time to make resolutions. Or not. I've never been one to say well in the new year I'm going to do this or I'm going to do that. I've always thought that there is no better time to change your mind about something than now. Why start just because you hang up a new calendar on the wall? Why wait to change your mind about something? As my teacher says, "Peace of mind comes from changing your mind."

However, since this is my first post of 2016, I thought I'd share one shift that has occurred for me over the past few weeks. Patience. Why wait? Because sometimes it's best to be patient.

In the world we all find ourselves surrounded by there is a huge push for faster, bigger, more, and now! Give me more speed, more data, more stuff, instant upgrade, ship it to my house next day, don't make me wait in line, give me a pill that will make me feel better now. A lot of people get trapped in the cycle of consumerism and materialism and they want things to happen in an instant without recognizing the moment. In each and every moment is when things happen so if you want immediacy, then all you really need to do is get present. If you want peace of mind, then you just have to change your mind in that moment.

One thing I was reminded of last week was the concept of: The ego speaks first. Meaning in most of our being wrapped up in the Now! mindset we forget to stop, ask for help, and listen. We forget to be patient and let God speak and guide us to the right decisions and then actions. Sometimes this will feel wrong at first. But I just wanted to be honest! Well, maybe you needed to wait, maybe that person you were being honest with wasn't ready to hear that and maybe you weren't ready to explain why you felt or thought that way. Maybe you haven't done your work or your forgiveness on that yet. There is that patience that needs to be developed in order to give yourself time to do your own work and then allow, trust and have some faith that... everything is as it should be. For me, I have to work on allowing myself to be present first, then be patient, then allow the right course of action to take place. Seem slow to you? That's ok. There is no rush.

Do you ever feel anxiety about some future event? Well tomorrow, in a week, next month, I've got ____ coming up? Then you aren't being present for starters and second you're not willing to change your mind about that event now. Hence the anxiety. If you want now, if you want immediacy, then take it and change your mind now. Do you feel disconnected? Then get present. The only way to be connected to your world, yourself and your creator is to be in the now. And, I'm not here to spout of some 'go sit in a cave and meditate' philosophy to you, I'm just talking about taking a moment for yourself to get present. I've said it before dear reader, if you really sit with yourself and ask, "What problems do I have right now?" you'll find that the answer is... none.

For me this has come in a development of patience. I'm on a journey, a path, and on that path there is no time. (Take a moment to let your mind explode here). There is no time because there is no real end, there wasn't a beginning, and there is only this instant. For me there are three real examples of this: my development of my relationship with God, my development of my personal relationships, and my development of my own personal growth.

God -
This is one where a lot of us want to shake our fist at the sky and demand immediacy. Help me now! Do this for me now! Make me feel better now! And God is on His own schedule; a natural schedule that the rest of us just fail to understand most of the time. This relationship is one that can be the easiest to develop patience in when, at least for me, you develop trust. Ask and ye shall receive does not mean ye shall receive now. I used to think that God either ignored me most of the time or that my requests were not worth His time or that I might even be punished for even asking about certain things. I mean there's the whole universe and I'm asking for green lights on the way to work. (Not really, but you get the point). However, if 2015 taught me anything it was that God is indeed listening and He is indeed answering; it's just up to me to be patient and wait on those answers to develop and manifest in my life. It's up to me to take the time to listen and change my mind on what it is that I'm really wanting in a real sense. This development could take up volumes to explain or just this simple concept: God is my creator, I am as He created me, and we are all a part of His Love. It just takes a lot of patience on my part to let that sink in.

Others -
When you meet someone new or you enter a new group of people, a new environment or you move there are a lot of personal relationships that need to be developed. When it comes to intimate relationships there is a lot of patience needed. (See blog posts from well below this one to ask the question, what the fuck does this guy know about intimate relationships?) Ha! But seriously, you come up against a push to learn all you can about someone and reveal everything about yourself all at once. You want to skip or rush through the work and then just have the fun! All play and no work makes Jack an asshole. Here is where currently I'm working on patience the most. There is no rush. If the person or people around you are really meant to be around you, then they'll be there. "We're just taking it slow" is something people say a lot but don't really have a clue what it means. I'm learning moment to moment what that really means. I'm learning that the ego speaks first and that if I want my personal relationships to be holy relationships then I need to be patient and wait on God's voice to whisper the correct thoughts and course of action to me. I need to be patient and listen not only to those around me but for what God is really saying to me as well. We're all on a natural progression, allow it to progress patiently and get your ego out of the way while you listen to others and to God.

Self -
Oh man! Here is where patience is a must. There is no one that judges you more than yourself. Why can't you be more generous? More loving? More open? Less angry? Less guilty? More forgiving? Why are you such as dickhead, as one person in my life so affectionately calls me. If I'm doing my work; why aren't you doing more work?, then I know I'm doing the right things. If I'm being present, then I know I'm doing the right thing. If I'm listening and empathizing then I'm doing the right thing. If what I'm doing is coming from a place of love then everything is as it should be. I just need to be more patient with myself. The ego speaks first and judges me. The ego tells me I'm not good enough and it tells me that I'm wrong in order to keep me in a self created hell. (that just got dark). But seriously, patience is needed here to almost wait out that self deprecating egoic mindset and find and listen to your higher self. My self development requires the most patience. A lot of us want to wake up tomorrow and be the Buddha. Enlightenment now! But there is a lot of forgiveness to be done on ourselves first, a lot of love to be given to ourselves first, a lot of trust in ourselves has to be developed first. Just be patient and allow, accept, and love.

So this is not where I thought this post was going to go. Happens that way a lot of the time with these but... such is What's Now. Also, I just realized that God -> Others -> Self was a poster in my childhood Sunday School class and that I've completely redefined what that means to me. I've redefined a lot of what God means to me. I've redefined myself. I'm coming to peace of mind by changing my mind. I'm doing that all the time, moment to moment and that's ok. As long as I'm being patient and allowing rather than trying to force things to happen (or allowing the ego to try and force it) then everything will be as it should.

2015 was a year where my life got turned upside down and spilled out onto the floor. There were pieces of it everywhere and it was a mess. Today looking back I am grateful for each and every lesson I learned, for my teacher who helped rebuild me, for my own will to shift and learn, for each person who was a part of my life then and now, and for God who never left me. Patience paid off and today as I sit here, I can truly say that I have faith that 2016 will not just be some new year but a continuation of development that will bring love not only into my life but to those around me as well.

Until next time dear reader, just be patient and I'll see you soon.