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"Fear is a stranger to the ways of love. Identify with fear, and you will be a stranger to yourself." -ACIM

Sunday, October 27, 2013

College Football Week Nine

Well not a whole lot of shocking upsets this week which is good, because October has been crazy so far. The PAC-12 settled down and as we all expected Oregon has pretty much put that conference on lock down; much like Alabama in the SEC. Missouri stumbled on their way to grabbing the SEC East title but still aren’t out of it. And, The B1G might as well just hand OSU the trophy now since not even the scrappy Penn Staters have the ability to slow them down. FSU is still the “class” of the ACC and will probably ride their freshman QB all the way to the Orange Bowl. (Wait, what about Miami? They’re good right? No.) Really your only question is in the “Big”-12. Baylor, OU, and TT, were all in the mix at the start of the day (oh and Texas is still 4-0 in conference play somehow) and Baylor remains at the top at this point. So we’ll all have to wait for Thursday Nov. 7th when OU goes to Baylor before we can make a call on that one.

The BCS was announced this past week and I can’t say anything there shocked me; because it’s the BCS. I’ll be so happy when that shit goes away. Of course having Condoleezza Rice picking my playoff teams doesn’t inspire a whole lot of confidence, but… we’ll wait and see. Also, was I alone in thinking Barry Alvarez was dead? I thought he died.

With all apologies to Penn State’s defense… Let’s kick it off.

Games of the Week:

#21 South Carolina over #5 Missouri 27-24 in Double OT
Whew! For those of us that were afraid Missouri was going to skip right on through the SEC East in just their second year in the league; rest easy. USC has come to the rescue. What is it with South Carolina QBs? Remember Garcia who was drunk every weekend? Now they have Connor Shaw who you could shoot in the leg on Thursday and he would still find a way to play on Saturday. Shaw came off the bench in the second half with the Cocks trailing 14-0 and then led TD drives of 65, 69 and 63yds in the 4th quarter. After Mizz missed on their OT FG attempt, Shaw then ripped off his shirt, charged into the stands and impregnated half the girls of the Missouri chapter of Alpha Delta Pi.  

#15 Oklahoma over #10 Texas Tech 38-30
Now this was a very entertaining game. OU QB Blake Bell-Dozer was about to be pulled in the first half until he led his team on 16 play 97 yard drive to tie the score. OU looked BAD at the start of this game then built a 21-7 lead. Then, TT woke up and went up 28-21 before the Sooners went up 35-24. The Red Raiders had a shot at the end but some slightly off passes and some decent defense kept OU ahead and got them the win. Tech is not out of this Big-12 race just yet since they still have Texas, Baylor, OK State and K-State still to play.

#7 Miami over Wake Forest 24-21
Yeah. Miami isn’t that good and could be THE most overrated team in college football. No, I’m not forgetting Baylor, Missouri, or Auburn. I’m looking at you Miami! It took Miami until under a minute in the game to squeak a FG in and survive Wake. I’m calling it right now: Duke 24 Miami 21 on November 16th!

Honorable mentions to:
#17 Fresno State surviving San Diego State 35-28 in OT. What a Mountain West Battle for the Ages! Zzz…
Minnesota’s 34-23 upset of #24 Nebraska. The Golden Gophers are 6-2! 

Rivalry Watch!

#1 Alabama crushes Tennessee 45-10.
No trophy because, ya know, the SEC has so much class… This used to be an awesome rivalry before league play but now it’s just fun to watch Alabama stomp UT every few years.

Upset of the Week:

Duuuuuuuuke! over #14 Virginia Tech 13-10!
We all love to make fun of Duke Football. But The Blue Devils are about to go to back-to-back bowl games for the first time in school history on the heels of beating not only a Top-15 VT (first win over a ranked team since 1994 and a road ranked team since 1971!) it was their first win over VT since 1981!!! How did they do it? Four INTs from Virginia Tech, two 50+ yard field goals, and a defense that held on in the 4th quarter. So even in their victory, they did it in classic Duke style. Sloppy. Two stats here: Duke is the first team since at least 2000 to win a game with a completion percentage below 30 percent and at least 4 Ints. And, Duke kicker Ross Martin is the first FBS kicker this season with two 50-yard field goals in the same game. Wow! You can’t make this shit up.

Beat Down of the Week:

#2 Florida State over North Carolina State 49-17.
The score does not indicate how bad this game was. I was forced to watch the first half of this game while waiting on a weather delay in Oklahoma so I got to see FSU put up 42 of those points in the first half while NC State looked disinterested. Seriously, the “Wolf Pack” looked like a bunch of mutts who were trying to play and not get hurt. It was UGLY!  

Pillow Fight of the Week:

Colorado State over Hawaii 35-28. Nooooooo! Damn you Hawaii! 0-7 really? Where’s the Warrior Spirit I promised my readers? I guess 29 rushing attempts for 32 yards doesn’t get it done in the MWC either. Wow. Even coming off a bye week and playing at home? Too much hula hula, not enough blocky blocky.  Hawaii is bad. They are 92nd in points for and 109th in points against in the nation this year. Ouch. We’ll have to keep an eye on them the rest of the year and maybe give them another shot at a pillow fight win.

But not this week. Cause this week we’re going to get sloshy gross drunk at THE WORLD’S LARGEST OUTDOOR COCKTAIL PARTY!!! Woooooo! Grab some co-eds, some Wild Turkey, a few hotdogs, some Red Bull, a case of Natty Light and let’s fuckin’ do this! Both Georgia and Florida come in UNRANKED and sporting 4-3 records. I’ll take my Dawgs, cause, fuck it. This is a good ol’ fashioned rivalry that this year will be played more for pride than position. Garb some rocks and stuff em deeeeeep into your pillow case, cause this week it’s going to be game on in Jacksonville.

Player of the Week:

Oklahoma State RB Desmond Roland. 26 carries for 219yds and 4 TDs. What? Good for you 
Desmond. Now that was against Iowa State, but still… nice day overall.  OKSU finds themselves in the Top-20, Rowland had a breakout game this week, and he could be a big part of this team going forward.

Honorable Mention: In all seriousness: Connor Shaw QB at South Carolina. 20 for 29 and 3 TDs, all in one half of play.

Biggest Loser:

The BYU Athletic Department.
Let me explain. BYU just beat Boise State 37-20 (on a Friday) and then right after the game BYU announces that with its 6th win on the year they have accepted a bid to play in the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl on Dec. 27th. It's the ninth straight season that the Cougars have become bowl eligible under head coach Bronco Mendenhall, and they've gone 6-2 in the first eight bowl games. So why in the hell would they accept a Bowl Bid in October? You’ve got 6 wins. You could get up to 10 right? Wouldn’t you want to hold out and maybe play in a bigger bowl against a better opponent? I don’t get accepting a lesser Bowl Bid in October just because you can. You’ve gone to 8 straight bowls the last 8 years. Why settle on the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl? Just sounds dumb. Fucking cue the Mormon girl!

My Picks Go…


7-3 on the week but I missed the pillow fight dropping me to 5-2 on the year. Meh. Whatever. I backed Oklahoma this week and that paid off but Nebraska let me down. Guess the Gophers of Minnesota have a bit of fight still left in them; unlike Northwestern. 

Sunday, October 20, 2013

College Football Week Eight

So what can we know about College Football in 2013? Um, nothing. We know nothing. You may have awoken this morning to see an AP Top-10 that includes: Missouri, Baylor, Miami, and Texas Tech with Auburn sitting at number 11. Just end it now; the apocalypse cannot be far away. If you're team plays in the SEC or has to play an SEC team, just be sure that nothing is going to go the way you expect it.

What can we count on? Upsets. And, Oregon and Alabama heading for a National Title. (See how I’m jinxing them there?) I’m just overall confused by this season. Teams that got upset this weekend: #8 Louisville, #3 Clemson (not an upset really), #6 LSU, #7 Texas A&M, #9 UCLA, #11 South Carolina, #15 Georgia, and #20 Washington. Duke is sitting at 5-2 this year which means they have a better record than: Georgia, Florida, USC, Texas and West Virginia. Is there no order in the universe anymore???
Whatever, I’m not doing an upsets section this week. Let’s just go with what we’ve got and try to sober up by Monday.
With all apologies to the Grambling football team… Let’s kick it off!
Games of the Week:

Ole Miss over #6 LSU 27-24
Of all the upsets this weekend, it seemed to me that this one was the most entertaining. Mettinberger threw 3 INTs on the day, 2 of them into double coverage in the end zone, and LSU just could not find a way to stop the Rebels late despite blocking a FG attempt with under 10 minutes to go. They did score a late TD to tie it but then let Ole Miss go down the field and nail a 41 yarder as time expired to win it. Huge win for Ole Miss who was coming off 3 straight losses to Alabama, Auburn and Texas A&M. Also this was a big loss for LSU who now finds themselves with 2 conference losses with Alabama and A&M still left to play.

#4 Ohio State over Iowa 34-24
I can sit here and bore you with game stats from this one, but I won’t. OSU has won 19 straight games by playing sub-par competition and living their life in the B1G. However, this was a trap game and they did survive it. So, good for them. They’ve won 19 straight. So, good for them. Ya know what? Fuck Ohio State.

UCF upsets #8 Louisville 38-35
Fly swatter game! Sadly, this will be the last year we can use the ‘fly in the BCS ointment’ metaphor. Anyway, remember Friday night when you recalled that there was college football on TV and you saw that Louisville was up 28-7 midway through the third quarter then turned it off? Well that didn’t work out the way you thought it would. UCF scored 24 unanswered points and then 7 more with under a minute to play to crush Louisville’s BCS hopes this year. Oh, and in the process they took the lead in the AAC too. That’s the American Athletic Conference of America. Why do I even try? These jokes write themselves.

Honorable Mentions to:
#10 Miami surviving North Carolina 27-23
Vanderbilt over #15 Georgia 31-27 snapping a 6-game losing streak to the Dawgs.
#24 Auburn over #7 Texas A&M 45-41. A&M has the WORST defense in the SEC bar none!
Minnesota over Northwestern 20-17. Poor NW. Their season started off with so much promise.

Rivalry Watch!
Notre Dame over USC 14-10
And they’ve won the Jeweled Shillelagh! USC had won 5 straight at Notre Dame, but not this year! The Irish found the stick at the end of their rainbow and used it to smack the Trojans right across the face. I love this trophy despite not giving two shits about either of these schools. I mean it’s awesome that ND and USC play for a giant bedazzled dildo. What a shit game though, no points scored in the second half at all. Lots of punting. Zzz…

 
 
Beat Down of the Week:
#5 Florida State over #3 Clemson 51-14
What a crusher! The winner of this game was poised to strike at the BCS and Clemson was so hyped up for this. Then… BOOM! The Tigers got Tomahawk Chopped by those Criminoles of FSU. That late TD to give Clemson 14 total was a joke and just Dabo Sweeney trying to give his team some sort of moral victory to close out the game. Tajh Boyd threw 2 BAD INTs in this game and had no answer for FSU’s defense. On the other side, QB Jameis Winston looked great. He’s ahead of Johnny Football’s numbers form last year and may be on his way to some Heisman (presented by Nissan) talk.

Pillow Fight of the Week:
I was on such a bye week last week that I pick two teams that were on a bye this week. So, we’ll punt that and stick with Hawaii this week. Go Warriors!

Player of the Week:
This week let’s give some love to NIU QB Jordan Lynch. He set a record with 316 rushing yards (3 TDs on the ground) and threw for 155 with a TD as well. We’ll ignore his one INT on the day. Lynch has his Huskies sitting at 7-0 on the year, in the Top-25 and aiming for a MAC title.

Biggest Loser:
Grambling State Athletics Department. I don’t know who is right and who is wrong and who said what in all this, but I do know that Grambling’s Athletic Director should be ashamed. If you feel like reading more on this go here: http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/9846943/grambling-state-tigers-players-send-letter-complaint-administration

My Picks Go…
A laughable 4-6. How did I ever get 4? By backing OK State, Stanford, The Irish and the OR State Beavers. There is a bad joke for ya: A cowboy, a nerd, an Irishman and a beaver walk into a bar… I’m still holding at 5-1 on the pillow fights, so until next week…

Sunday, October 13, 2013

College Football Week Seven (Upsets Edition)

Um, so yeah. That happened. I’m taking a Bye Week of sorts this week since I was at an event all day and since I refuse to get a smart phone that’ll give me scores, I didn’t see a thing until after 9 p.m. on Saturday. 

However, I’ll still comment on a few of the train wrecks from this weekend and take a few extra pulls off the bottle as I mourn the loss of Georgia’s season.

Every year of College football has one of those weeks where everything just goes sideways; and this was it. So with all apologies to the BCS… Let’s just get through this together.

Games of the Week:

Unranked Utah over #5 Stanford 27-21. Close game all the way and Utah’s defense of all things stood up there at the end. Too bad it wasn’t BYU or else we could have seen the Mormon Girl this week. That PAC-12 loss sure makes Oregon happy though.

#25 Missouri over #7 Georgia 41-26. A Georgia team with no starting running backs, no starting wide receivers and Mike Bobo as an offensive coordinator, can be beat. Oh and turning the ball over 4 times is a bad idea too! The Dawgs injury report is way too long for them to be able to compete for a whole game right now.

Unranked Texas over #12 Oklahoma 36-20. Red River what now? The only time you like to see Texas win is when they really suck and you count them out and then they beat somebody like Oklahoma when they shouldn’t. Stoops showed up with a hammer and some nails ready to seal Mac Brown’s coffin. Oops. Good thing the Texas players still have some pride in their team. Huge win for Texas.

Unranked Penn State over #18 Michigan 43-40 in 4OTs. What the fuck? So in the first and third overtimes, nothing happened? Seems like a lot of this game was a lot of nothing. Sloppy. Whatever. The B1G is there for the Buckeyes to take at this point.

Beat Down of the Week:

Unranked Wisconsin over #19 Northwestern 35-6. Even this week’s beat down isn’t immune from an upset. Northwestern was obviously hung over from that loss to Ohio St last week and you can’t sleep on 
Wisconsin. Just like you’d never want to sleep with a girl from Wisconsin.

Pillow Fight of the Week:

I went with Arkansas State over Idaho. Arkansas State beat Idaho 48-24. So, I’ve got that going for me. Well, that and a 6-1 pillow fight record this year. (Insert Idaho jokes here).
Next week I’m going with 0-6 Hawaii to pick up their first win of the year over 2-4 Colorado Sate. Those goats from Colorado won’t know what hit them when Hawaii’s Warrior Spirit reincarnates the ghost of June Jones.


My Picks Go…
Ha! 5-5. Somehow I managed a split among all the chaos this week. 

Sunday, October 6, 2013

College Football Week Six

I’m getting too old for this! My Bulldogs tried to give me a heart attack this week by just surviving a trip to Tennessee. Well, most of the team survived. Georgia lost their starting running back, two starting wide receivers and our punter all to injuries and had to pull members of the band out on the field to get a win in overtime. That flute player can block like a champion by the way. Aaron Murray became the all time SEC leader in yards and TDs, but nobody is going to talk about that. Georgia survived. End of story.

Lots of good things happening all over College Football this weekend. Good wins, tough wins, tough losses, bad calls, and fun times.

With all apologies to the Rocky Top Faithful… Let’s Kick It Off! (Ya know what? On second thought, Fuck Rocky Top)

Games of the Week:

#5 Stanford over #15 Washington 31-28
Now I thought Washington was way overrated at 15, but I guess not since they hung in there with Stanford for the whole game. I don’t think Stanford was in any danger at any point since they led the whole way, but Washington certainly made a game of it. I’d be lying if I said I stayed up and watched this one, but from what I read it was a gritty win for Stanford who is certainly making a push for the Rose Bowl this year and may have larger aspirations as well. Washington sure seems to have a balanced attack and could still be trouble for a lot of PAC-12 teams the rest of the way.

Texas survives Iowa State on Thursday night 31-30
So many things went wrong here for Iowa State. First, going into halftime they let Texas score on a Hail Mary to take a 17-13 lead at the break. Just knock it down! Second, Mac Brown was drunk and not able to screw this up. Third, Iowa State lets Texas drive 75 yards and score. 3.5 here is really that didn’t happen and ISU got screwed by the refs on a botched call where a Texas player lost the football and ISU clearly recovered. Fourth, all they needed was a FG at the end but somehow a tip ball and an INT and ISU’s hopes were dashed. This would have been a huge win over Texas and could have been the title of the last chapter of Mac Brown’s Texas Biography. But alas. It was not.

#21 Oklahoma State survives K-State 33-29
FIVE turnovers? FIVE turnovers! Ouch K-State; Ouch! It was like Bill Snyder needed to press the little button on his Life Alert and call for some help. “My team has gone full retarded and we can’t win a game.” You just can’t blow four different leads in a ballgame and expect to win it. I’m still amazed they found a way to turn it over five times.

Honorable Mentions to:
#14 Miami hanging on against Georgia Tech 45-30. He went by the name of Hurricane!
#11 Oklahoma surviving TCU 20-17. Stayin’ Alive! Stayin’ Alive!
#4 Ohio State over #16 Northwestern 40-30. Damn. So close. I thought NW had a shot there well into the 4th quarter.

Rivalry Watch!
The Little Brown Jug goes to…

#19 Michigan over Minnesota 42-13
Ok, so Minnesota was without their head coach who has epilepsy; I guess you can’t risk it with things like that since all the flash bulbs going off every time Michigan scored could have set him off. But the fucking jug was on the line here! That thing is filled with a mixture of moonshine, tire rubber, gasoline and maple syrup. Anyone who can hoist it and take a swig from that mighty jug is said to be able to harness the power of Zeus! Whatever. The Golden Gophers never had a chance in this one. Guess they’ll just have to wait another year and now the rest of the B1G has to fear the jug totting boozed up wolverines.

Upset of the Week:

Auburn over #24 Ole Miss 30-22
Don’t call it an upset really. Ole Miss laid down last week against Alabama and their dreams were crushed. This week I think they just couldn’t pull it together enough to get by Auburn. Auburn led 27-9 late and Ole Miss just didn’t have enough in the tank to come back. Sad.  

Notre Dame over #22 Arizona State 37-34
Who is Arizona State really? The team that beat Wisconsin and USC? Or the team that lost bad to Stanford and now close to Notre Dame? Either way they aren’t a top 25 team any more.

Beat Down of the Week:

#8 Florida State over #25 Maryland 63-0
Welcome to the Top 25 Maryland. We hope you enjoyed your one week stay with us. FSU made sure to reassert their dominance of this conference and squash any hopes of the Terps making a run at it this year. You had to know that Maryland’s 4-0 record was a bunch of smoke and mirrors and only getting 9 first downs all day was a bit ugly since FSU had their second string D in there for all of the 4th quarter. It was only 21-0 at half, but it got a lot uglier real quick.

Pillow Fight of the Week:
Los Lobos for the win 66-17. New Mexico State falls to 0-6 while New Mexico racked up over 600 yards of total offense and collected their second win on the year! Now that’s a pillow fight beat down. Pistol Pete should really think about putting together a defensive game plan before next week cause NMS looks really really bad. However, this pushes my record in these matchups to 5-1 on the year. So, I’ve got that going for me. New Mexico has another Cowboy matchup next week going to Wyoming, but I’ll move on to…
The Red Wolves of Arkansas State (2-3) from the Sun Belt over the Vandals of Idaho who sit at 1-5. I’m sticking with the wolves over cowboy like mascots theme here and going with Sun Belt “powerhouse” AStU. Did you know that Idaho was a FBS (D-I) Independent School? Who knew? Either way, they suck and will continue to do so next Saturday in the hot Arkansas night. Go Red Wolves!

Player of the Week:

I wanted to go back to Oregon’s Marcus Mariota, but instead I’m going to give it to Boston College’s Andre Williams who carried his Eagles to a win over Army 48-27. The government may be shutdown, but Army’s defense is far from it. (You see, because it’s not a shutdown defense). Williams had 263 yards on 30 carries for 5 TDs. Way to go buddy. That’s one hell of an afternoon.

Biggest Loser:

Alton “Pig” Howard – No really, he goes by Pig Howard. This is too easy. Piggy could have put Tennessee up 38-31 in OT to give Tennessee a chance at their first win over a ranked opponent since 2009 and their first win over a ranked team since 2006. Instead, Pig got greedy and overreached. Instead of giving his team the lead, he fumbled the ball out of the end zone and gave Georgia the touchback. Three plays later and Georgia wins 34-31.

My Picks Go…

7-3. Ugh. Why do I ever pick Penn State games? I pick em’ they lose em’. Also I though Ole Miss would have more spine and Arizona State was ready to go on a run. I was wrong. But, I like to focus on the positive of my 5-1 pillow fight record.