Catch and Release

I used to enjoy fishing. I was never really good at it and I haven’t been fishing in years but I really enjoyed it as a kid. I liked the idea that something was hiding below the surface and it was my job to coax it out of there and make it mine. Our family was never big on the whole concept of ‘catch and release.’ We’d grill them, fry them, whatever; but we’d eat and eat off of all of our catching. The sporting part was fun for sure, but we were in it for more than the fun of competition.

What I came to realize is that it’s high time that I adopted the idea of ‘catch and release.’  What I’m doing these days though is fishing for triggers that set me off, things that make me angry, things that make me sad, or things that make me hold on to grievances that only block my path to salvation. Now instead of fish, I’m looking for emotions lurking below the surface that need to be coaxed out. The bait is everywhere and it might as well be a stocked pond because everywhere my eye lands a fish is there to be hooked. (For those of you not familiar with the term, a “stock pond” is a small body of water kept so full of fish that your hook barely has time to hit the water before you catch a fish).

I can use this same concept with triggers. Catch the fish, look at it, and throw it back. Only with the triggers I’m examining issues and throwing them away. I may catch them again one day, but hopefully not. For example: the other day I saw the term ‘Retail Therapy’ and heard a woman just a few days later actually use the term. “I’m just going for some retail therapy.” Just something about the phrase made me want to puke and using the catch and release method I realized why. I took the whole idea and spun it around and looked at it as more than just a superficial phrase. Sure, maybe this woman wanted to release some stress by doing an activity that she loves; shopping. Maybe that annoys me because she was about to go “blow” more than my month’s rent on shoes and dresses and a latte. Maybe the whole idea of just going out and shopping as an activity rather than a necessity was what annoyed me so much. This of course led me to the whole idea of excess and the fact that anything bought during ‘retail therapy’ wasn’t ever needed; just wanted.

So now, (in keeping with the fishing metaphor here) I then opened up a new can of worms. Is the “excess” in her life expressed through retail therapy just triggering a sense of lack in mine? That was one large ugly fish I plucked out of the pond. As of today, I’m still looking at it. I’ll throw it back once I’ve forgiven myself for creating that fish in the first place.

Damn ugly fish! I release you! I forgive myself and hold no grievance against the lack in my life, the idea of waste, or even the term ‘retail therapy.’ Wheeeew! (It was a longer process than just that of course).

Like they always say though, there are tons of other fish in the sea. For example, the phrase ‘grand-dogs’, people who let kids stand on furniture that isn’t their own, guys who think it’s alright to adjust their privates while holding a conversation with you, and many more that I’ve seen just today. I release you all and hold no grievance against you. I am only here today to ask, what I should do, where should I go and what I should say to whom. I am only here to wait and listen for a response, not to judge or hold any grievance against. I release all of the fish back into the sea. 

I’m just looking for 51%

Sometimes I feel like life is a constant uphill battle. I hate these geographic metaphors. It’s not like I’m going uphill both ways in ten feet of snow or anything. I’m just pushing. And, I’m going to keep at it. I can be persistent. I will succeed.

Succeed at what; you may ask? Well dear reader: Life. Simply, life. I’m just going to choose to drop all these hill, valley, mountain, molehill references and start looking at it like a scale. There is always room for grey area but my scale just needs to be tipped and I’m going to start loading down one side of that scale until I reach the all-important 51% and then… well; “it’s all downhill from there.” Damn it!

For me this is going to involve the creation of a whole big pile of Truth. I’ve probably run from it for more than a thousand years and I’ve used the opposite approach for most of that time. Lie here, lie there and then I have what I like to call a Self. Now obviously I’m not talking about the, ‘no, I didn’t drink the last of the milk’ type lies here. I’m referring to the type that I’ve used to tell myself who it is that I am and what makes up ‘me.’

Have you ever sat down and thought about all the lies that make up you? There are a ton of truths in there too, but don’t kid yourself, if we were made up of all truths, then we’d all be masters and none of this would be necessary. Sit in front of a mirror sometime and really look. That self-conscious feeling you get is not just from your greying hair and expanding forehead; it’s what’s inside. You know that a lot of that ‘self’ in there is made up of bullshit.

There is only one way to get rid of this. Truth and Forgiveness. I’m starting with truth since I’ve recently learned that forgiveness is a lot tougher. I was going to take my house of lies, light a match, set it ablaze and walk away with Metallica blaring in the background as it all came crashing down. I was going to be so free and well on my way to a life of truth while the ashes of lies blew in the wind. But alas dear reader, this could never be a reality. We must take our lies, like bricks of this house and carry them to the sea and then toss them in. The house must be torn down and rebuilt. I hate manual labor.

For every brick I toss into the sea I have forgiven myself one lie. For every truth I instill in myself I can place one brick on the scale. I just need to get to 51%. Once there I can tip the scale and start to easily heap on more and more truths as I toss off more and more lies with forgiveness. Pick up a brick, forgive myself for creating it and toss it into the sea. Tell myself the truth, rejoice in the pure love of God that is Truth, instill it in myself and place it on the scale.

This might sound repetitive to you, but that’s how it’s got to happen if this is going to work. Practice Love and Forgiveness, replace Lies with Truth.

If I lost you in all that brick, scale, sea, house stuff; sorry. This was just a free flow writing. 

No Sleep Till Brooklyn -OR- I Start to Believe Again

When I was a kid I always wanted to grow up and not be a kid anymore. The only thing I really loved about childhood was baseball, Christmas and sleeping in. To be honest only one or two birthdays even stand out to me as memorable. Not too many trips or toys or really anything about my childhood made me want to “never grow up, be a Toys-R-Us kid.”

One thing I do remember is how much I stopped believing in things. Santa? Nope. Mom and one of her friends Lynn Brown (I will forever love both of them and don’t blame them for this) ruined Santa for me one Christmas Eve when after a few too many drinks, decided playing with my toys was too much fun to pass up and made just a bit too much noise. I never will forget waking up and thinking, ‘Santa is here!’ I, like a ninja, snuck down some stairs to spy the man who was such a fixture in my childhood. But no. There was no fat man only two women and a bottle of wine hunched in front of the tree laughing it up with the entire cast of Pee Wee’s Playhouse. The next morning, the rouse was over. Innocence lost.

I, like you dear reader, have similar stories for the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Pro Wrestling. Ok, yes, as a kid I thought it was real! I admit it. Fairies, wizards, talking animals, trolls, goblins, The Boogie Man, ghosts, witches, they were all so real and everywhere. But one by one they all fell to the wayside just like childhood.

Think about it. I’m sure at least one person reading this has broken a bone because as a kid they thought they were invincible. You look back and say, no it’s because I was stupid. No, you thought it would work because you believed that it would work. We all did. Whether it was a story we told because we believed it to be true or something we did because we believed a certain Fat Man at the North Pole had a list on us, we did it because we believed it.

I’ve been around enough kids to know that they all go through the Why stage. Why? Why? Why? It’s annoying as hell. But it helps a child fill in all the “gaps” in the world around them. What I’ve recently learned is; there are no gaps. They already know. We all do. We know, we just get a 1,001 answers to our 1,001 Whys that keep us from believing what we know. It’s called indoctrination.

For me a lot of the answers to questions I had came from Church. Ghosts, fairies, witches… Devil’s work; not real. Why? God. I knew Santa wasn’t to be messed with so I surely knew God wasn’t even to be questioned. God killed the wizards and talking birds. At least that’s what I was told.

What I came to “believe” was that God watched over me and was to be feared and obeyed. That’s not what I knew when I was a kid. What I knew was that I was swimming in God. Excuse the visual there dear reader but that is basically the truth of the matter; we are all swimming in God. We cannot separate we are not different from and we cannot leave ‘the source’ of us. We were taught to forget that and the knowledge that we were born with was explained away from us. We started to believe a myth and were taught that truth was instead the myth.

Without going into a deep spiritual monologue here, I wanted to address something completely different: My apartment is haunted. (I know there was an absence of a transition there). So here… I have never been a big believer in ghosts. I've always felt a sense that there should be ghosts and that there are people on the other side that ‘live’ on a different plane than us. Long story short; we die, our bodies stay, we move on. And, there is one such individual living in my apartment. He (and I’m pretty sure it’s a he) is just kind of hanging out though and generally in my bathroom. He doesn't seem to bother anything and he doesn’t really bother me other than the fact that he’s making me face some truths that I’ve tied to ignore in the past, mainly, the existence of ghosts and the whole idea of the simultaneous existence of another plane.  

I’ve recently also done a few psychic exercises that have opened my eyes to other ideas and ways in which those ideas can get from the source and the collective conscience into our individual conscience. I, along with millions around the world (you too), have experienced things as adults that we have been taught to believe is just in our imagination. “You’re just using your imagination.” As a kid this was accepted. As an adult, well, not so much.

However dear reader, I am starting to believe again. I’m starting to believe that the man in my apartment is not separate from me and that he is from the same source and he may just be there to teach me something or just point me towards what I already know. I’m starting to believe that the birds just may have something to say and that a tree has seen more than I’ll ever comprehend and I need to listen to that.

I went to bed at midnight last night and woke up at 2 a.m. I tossed and turned till 4 a.m. and then decided, ‘Fuck it! I’m not sleeping tonight.’ My mind wouldn't stop moving and I could not get comfortable, so I just moved to the couch and decided to watch The Hobbit since I had not made time to do so since the movie came out. It reminded me of my childhood, when I read the book, and how it made me believe in all kinds of things. Why did I stop? How much of that is still real and how much of that have I just convinced myself isn't?

Now I’m not saying that I expect to see a wood elf or a hobbit anytime soon and I certainly don’t expect a fat man in a red coat to come give me presents on December 25^th (But if you do still exist Santa, I’d really like some hats and a new laptop this year). What I am saying is that there are a lot of things out there that I have previously dismissed that I am now starting to see once again only this time, I’m surrounded by people who are willing to help me believe rather than tell me why I’m wrong.

I may not sleep as well sometimes, but I’m a whole lot more awake all the time. 

The Update That Will Shock The Internet -or- Things I Typed While at Work

Everyone loves a dive bar, especially when it’s YOUR dive bar. You know; the one where the bartender may not know you by name but he knows your face and you get served faster than most because you’re there all the time and you tip well. That’s sort of how I felt coming back to America ten months ago. The guy at the door looked tired, he gave me a suspicious look then just grunted ‘Welcome’ and waved me on through. The place smelled bad but it smelled familiar. The food was good but cheap and in the end you felt guilty for finishing it all. I couldn’t tell if everyone was hung over or just sleep walking but everything just seemed foggy. But then again, that could have just been me.

I had just been back the summer before but it all just seemed strange. It was like walking into your own house and knowing where everything was but having the feeling that someone had been there and touched all your stuff. America had moved over the past three years and I couldn’t quiet put my finger on how, why, or where.

I was back in time to get blown over by political ads for the Presidency. Obama v. Romney. Really? I tried to pay attention for a while but then I noticed that the news stations were no longer a source of news and that alone was a disturbing thought. It’s like I could almost see the advertisements coming out of the news anchors’ mouths. I thought their desks should have been painted up like a stock car so at least we’d know which company we were listening to. I just gave up. Here you are Mr. President: My Vote. That was pretty much the whole story. I just tuned it all out and stopped caring. They may have won.

Naturally those were only my first reactions. There were baseball games and sunny days at the beach and Thanks Be to God a woman that loved me. I luckily had free time to spend with Christina who can tolerate me and has since developed quite a relationship with me. (If I do say so myself). We’ve spent the last few months growing together and she’s the type that keeps making me ask questions and that’s awesome. When I say questions I mean questioning myself not others. In fact over the past few months I’ve spent less and less time focusing on other people and events and more and more time focusing on myself. It’s calming, exciting, and at times a little scary. Of course now that I’m surrounded by distractions I decided to look inward instead of all those long, lonely days spent in the middle of nowhere.

I’ve started seeing a spiritual teacher of sorts and have really started to challenge my outlook on the world and how it is that I fit in it. I’ve abandoned a lot of expectations of myself and others and I’ve developed an improved outlook on life. I gotta tell you I feel great about where I’m headed and I’m happy with where I am right now. I’m certainly not content and complacent, but happy with where I am.

Really other than mundane details that’s pretty much what’s gone on since I came home. There were a ton of great events: Camping, Beach, Time with friends and family Baseball, Theater, Movies, Dinners… (Almost all of them again involving Christina).

I’ve started eating a lot better and working out regularly which keeps my energy levels pretty high.

I’m back working at a hotel Downtown that does very well and pays my bills. I like it and it can be fun at times and I like talking to people from all over America and the world. I started off looking for a teaching job but SC has WAY too many hoops to jump through for either straight certification or alternate certification. It was a huge Catch-22 and I was not feeling motivated enough to jump through all the hoops of certification. (Their loss). I did start work at an ESL school here in Charleston but unfortunately it was a very small business and the owner wanted full time work for part time pay and I needed to pay bills. So… that was the work story. I’m working full time now and living in a small one bedroom in a bad neighborhood. It’s not all bad. Christina comes and stays with me a lot and it’s small and easy to clean with a hot shower and cool air conditioning. All a boy could ever need.

Let’s sum it up because I don’t want to let this run on forever: In Love, Employed, Happy, Working on Self Improvement and Spiritual Growth, Still Awesome.

See you soon dear reader for more observations and a few ramblings.

I’ll leave you with…

Ten observations from my first ten months back in America.

1.   Smart phones run American’s lives. Say what you want, but it’s sick. I chose not to get one and I’m so happy that I didn’t. People have whole conversations just about their phones and generally about how they hate them. So…?

2.       Politics are no longer something I can watch like a sport; they are a bloodletting game played by rich men from their boardrooms.

3.       I have plants. The rest of you have either a dog or kids (on a leash and they are leading you, not the other way around).

4.       General politeness has been replaced with a sense of entitlement. Nobody ever greats a service person at a local shop. They just walk in and demand things. Read this as: ‘everyone thinks that their life and what they’ve got going is far more important than anything anyone else has going.’

5.       Despite the “economic crisis” Americans still have a ton of money and are willing to shell it out on crap they don’t need and causes that are “trendy.”

6.       The News is not news. Its advertisements and social programming. Look over here. Do this. Read this. Pay no attention to your appointed leaders.

7.       If you want it, it can be yours with only a few clicks of a few buttons. You don’t need to interact with another human being. Ever.

8.       People take pictures of things rather than looking at them.

9.       We all punch a clock and give it 110%. But it’s more like 125% cause we have to get a leg up. Then, the government takes 20% out of the 100% our employers give us leaving us with only 80% pay for 125% effort.  Which means that almost half the time we’re working for free. I think that time would be better spent on ourselves. I heard someone say recently, “Your off time can make you just as rich if you spend it wisely.” Amen.

10.   It just seems like everyone is on auto-pilot and we only snap out of our day to day routines for a few moments every now and then to really enjoy our lives. 

Why I’m Leaving Facebook and Getting Back to Blogging

You’re about to be “unfriended” just to let you know. This is not due to some specific event or something you’ve done but rather a collective lack from all of you; my “friends.” Just know that in 7 days we will no longer be friends… on Facebook.


There are several reasons that I’m leaving this almost 4 year relationship with Facebook and all of my “friends” and it is you not me that has brought this on. Now I’m not saying that some of this isn’t my fault, because well, maybe I expected too much from you.

Let’s start with that…

Things I Wanted Facebook To Be:

A place for my “friends” and I to share news articles that we’ve read that day/week/month. I hardly ever see this. It is so easy to copy a link to an article and then “repost” that on Faceboook. But rare is the day that I ever saw such a thing.

A place for my “friends” and I to share new music. Now, I never expected Facebook to be so bold as to let my “friends” and I share files. Woah! Hold on! We don’t want to get too edgy here. Let’s not let people share music. That could get sticky. But I would have at least liked some of my “friends” to drop a post from time to time saying, “Hey look at this band, they aren’t the same crap you hear on the radio everyday and I kind of like the way they sound.” That was one of the things I wanted Facebook to be that it wasn’t.

I wanted it to be a place that spawned or ignited or at the very least fueled social change. So we all watched the Kony video. Ok honestly, I didn’t. But, what single event did the FB community at large rally behind and change? SOPA? No. Gay marriage? No. A few people changed their profile pictures to a pink = sign, but last I heard, that hasn’t done much. I just never saw Facebook as a place that did anything real when it came to social movements or causes. The Boston bombing was a prime example. Lots of people posted pictures and words of sympathy, but Facebook isn’t about to become a place where those same people dig for a root to the problems that caused those young men to commit that crime. Facebook never was a place for social change. Just passive social interaction.

Things I Found That Facebook Really Was:

Pictures of food. Yeah, ok, that salad looks great. And, I love bacon as much as anyone, but hiding it in your sandwich does nothing for me.

Pictures of your baby. I shouldn’t need to expound upon this, but no… I do not think your baby is cute. You do. I know you do. I’m glad you do. But I don’t care. I do not care what he/she dressed up as for Halloween or any other day. I don’t care what they said, ate, pooped on or whatever. I genuinely DO NOT CARE.

Pictures that are funny. Yes, they are funny. That is all. But I have plenty of other websites that give me funnier content. Also, just because you put an “ole timey” filter on your photo does not mean it is more interesting. Stop that. We have HD for a reason. And no you hipster bastard retro doesn’t make it artistic. Stop that!

Sports stories. I am guilty of this. I use Facebook as a place to repost sports stories that I find either interesting or funny. But, I’m usually the first to do this and the last to read other people’s sports stories because either I’ve already heard it or it is about a sport that I don’t follow. Facebook is not for sports. ESPN and others are for sports. I realize this.

Religion. Oh my. I never thought that I would see so many religious posts on a social media platform. And, this was not one of the things that bothered me all that much. Great! You feel blessed/tested/graced by the Lord? Fine. What do you want me to do about it? It just seemed misplaced when I saw it on Facebook.
See also: Misplaced Patriotism.

Chain letters. Facebook turned in to a series of chain letters. “Repost this if you love your mom!” What? So if I step on a crack will I also break poor Momma’s back? “Repost this if you want to stop cancer!” If I don’t then… what? I love cancer! Woo! Goooo Cancer! No?
I never saw one of these used on something like an Amber Alert victim. I never saw, “Repost this so we can find this abducted child.” Not once.

Passive aggressive comments. Gross. You know what I’m talking about here and I don’t need to give you a ton of examples. It was gross. Just be honest call it out and just say it. John/Jane/Mom/Dad/etc. I hate the way that you ____ and I want you to _____. That’s it.

Like me! Oh the cries for help and all the begging for attention. It even got to the point where people would make outlandish promises to those who were able to get 1 million “likes” on a photo. Free trip to Hawaii if I get 1,000,000 likes! F that! Are you taking me with you?

An over flow for Twitter and 4square and Pinterest and Google+. So now if I fart in a Burger King in Augusta, Georgia it has to look like this:
@Andrew was at #BK with X, Y and Z likes farting in #MastersGolf with his circle of #Jr.Whopper #silentbutdeadly #roadtrip #killyourself

Just Stop! Why does every event have to be posted and reposted on every platform? I don’t Tweet. I don’t pin up my interest. I don’t want you in my circle, it’s mine. And now, I don’t want my face in your book or yours in mine.

Things I’ll Miss About Facebook:

I’ll miss those pictures of my “friends” doing random things. It’s always nice to see people that I like enjoying their life.

I’ll miss actual updates from everyone. Important events like, “I’m moving to another state.” “I’m starting a new job.” “My parents are getting divorced.”
NOT, “I ate lunch.” “I hate Mondays.” “I got drunk… again.”

I’ll miss you Rebecca Woodhouse. Your updates always make me laugh.

It All Comes Down To This…

Facebook is a waste of time. It is a place to waste time. I have better things to do with my time and it is high time I start doing those things. One of them will be focusing on this blog a bit more. As you may have noticed, it has been well over a year since my last posting and I didn’t even do a college football blog this year. I know that doesn’t make all of my readers all that sad. But alas.

So, bookmark it, pin it up, tweet it, whatever… just continue to check back here if you care to know what’s going on with me and What’s Next?

(Seriously, next week I’ll give you an update on my life as it has progressed over the past 10 months since I’ve returned to America).

*** One last second edit here. I didn't even bother going into how FB tracks your other Web activity or how it weighs on your next job application. If you put it on the web then you have to know it's not private. I don't expect that of any Social Network and it wasn't a standard that I ever held FB to. We are the product that they are selling to corporations so that they can flood our Internet advertisments with their product. Try it. Do a search for a product you'd never really buy. Say... a lawn mower. Look on 2-3 sites for it and compare a few. Then for he next few days-weeks see how lawn mowers pop up everywhere on FB and every other site. You are the product. We all know this. That was never a question.

Eh. Nothing Important

Not much in the way of an update for you since not much has really happened over the past few weeks. Just grinding through school and trying not to freeze to death in what Georgians are calling the “worst winter in 20 years.” I highly doubt that but it has been a little cold that’s for sure. Georgia got so much snow last week that the Minister of Education shut down all the schools in Georgia due to the snow and ice. So, I had a four-day weekend. Not too bad.
This week it did warm up a bit but that in itself presented a different problem. Since it would warm up to the upper 30s during the day, the ice and snow would melt a bit before refreezing at night. And, since people in Tbilisi refuse to scrape the sidewalks, walking to work (or anywhere) was quite an adventure. I don’t know if you all saw my Facebook post about the Tbilisi Mayor coming up with a “brilliant” plan to pay for people’s medical bills that fell on the ice in Tbilisi. I just wanted to shout “Dumbass!” Just pass a law that requires businesses to scrape the ice from in front of their establishment or if you’re so willing to waste the people’s money, then pay the
unemployed to clear the ice off of your city’s streets.

All this thawing and freezing presented quite an interesting death trap out on my balcony as well. Since I’m up on the 10th floor, any icicle that forms has to fall to the ground and potentially injure someone if they are walking down there. One of my gutter spouts produced probably the biggest icicle I’ve ever seen over a three day period and broke off one day while I was at school. I didn’t see any ambulances when I came home so I assume no one was impaled by this 4 foot log of frozen death.

This ice has given me flashbacks to Kazakhstan and forced me to relearn all the ‘walking on ice while on a 40 degree slant with wind pounding into your face’ tricks. Luckily I haven’t fallen and have done well with the shuffle uphill and glide downhill tricks. Never let your feet get to close together or too far apart and as long as you stay light on your toes and never on your heals, you’ll be fine. (I know that is probably of no help to those of you in the South who probably won’t even see ice this year).

Anyway, like I said nothing much outside of the weather has been too exciting. Two weekends ago I went out to my local café for some coffee and to meet a new private student when I got a frantic call from my landlady. She was freaking out and told me to go to my apartment ASAP due to, “Water! Water!” I was nervous as hell because a flood in winter could be potential disaster. Luckily when I got home it was in an apartment on the 9th floor and flooding one on the 8th floor as well. There was a waterfall coming down the side of the building that, of course turned into a pretty cool ice blanket the next day. The guy who had called to report the flood had accidentally called the wrong landlady so there were three of four of us all rushing into the building at the same time asking each other what was going on before we found out that none of our apartments were affected. (My landlady owns a few apartments in my building). So, after we all caught our breath, we had a good laugh about it and chatted in the stairwell. This however did not go over well with the pregnant lady on the 8th floor whose apartment was being flooded from above by a family who could not be reached at the time. So, we all moved on. I think they got it cut off later that night.

After that, my day was shot so my friend on the 9th floor and I wondered over to the new grocery ‘supermarket’ that opened in our neighborhood. It’s pretty cool and I can get pretty much anything I need there for a semi-reasonable price. And, they carry Georgian products which is nice because I try to buy local products as much as possible. I can’t do it for everything, but cleaning products and such can easily be bought local and generally cheaper too.
Oh! As you read in the last post I had shown some people from Turkey around who were here for a visit that happened to know one of the girls that served with me here in Georgia as a Peace Corps Volunteer. She, my former fellow volunteer, had said she would send me a thank you package as payment. I thought that was cool but really didn’t expect her to. Anyway, the package got here and was packed with Southern Delights. Oatmeal Cream Pies, Charleston Chews (devoured within 48 hours), Red Hots, Sours, and a smart ass card too. So thanks to Jess for all that! Really this last week was uneventful and classes went pretty well. This weekend I didn’t do much outside of laundry and making some killer awesome soup. Soup that I’ll probably hate come Wednesday when I’m still trying to finish it off. I did go out yesterday to meet a Georgian friend who is trying to go to America next year through the IREX program. We chatted for a few hours about the interview process and then had some Georgian ‘Fast Food.’ However even that wasn’t uneventful since one of the American TLG volunteers happened to be at the café where we were spending the afternoon and felt the need to interject himself into our conversation every 30 seconds. Whatever; TLG kids are weird and it seems like every time I run into one I walk away thinking, ‘wow, what a strange guy.’

That’s it. I’m realizing now that I really have nothing to update you on and I might as well just sit around this afternoon, drink some coffee, watch a movie and then take a shower and get ready for Monday.

Just look at this an laugh instead.

Cold, Dead Body, and Big Shoes.

Well the new semester is now in full swing what with week two in the books. I can’t say I’m really happy about the way it has started out, but then again, I’m not overly pessimistic about it either. While I’m enjoying my classes and getting though some really good material in both History and English, I’m just really bummed that I seem to be babysitting the upper grades. ‘Don’t do that. Put that down. Sit still. Be quiet. Stop throwing things. Well, if you don’t touch him then he won’t touch you.’ Really? Just sit the f@*k down and be still! It’s 45 minutes! If you don’t want to learn anything then that’s on you and the mass sums of money your parents are paying for this school. But, don’t keep the other kids from learning as well. And, I’m not talking about the little kids here. I’m talking about 8-11th grades. Ugh.

However, that is not what this blog post is about. I promised that I would do a better job of updating those of you back in the Land of Freedom about the goings on here in Tbilisi and what I’m up to. So a couple of weeks ago a group of Fulbright girls, and one guy, were in Tbilisi for a holiday and we were hooked up by a girl who had been in PC with me here who knew one of them from America. (Yeah, long strange connection there). Anyway, I agreed to meet them on a Saturday and show them around a few places. You never know who you’re going to run into when you agree to do these types of things, but this group turned out to be completely normal and we had a pretty good day walking around and seeing the sites of Tbilisi. It kind of works out too since I’m planning a trip to Istanbul in April for my Spring Break (my favorite holiday… JOB anyone?) and a few of them agreed that since they are all working somewhat near Istanbul that they would meet me there one day and show me a few of the sites. So, cool. I got a day out of the house and away from lesson planning and maybe a free tour guide when I go to Turkey.

This past Saturday I met up with a guy who is here from the University of South Carolina to start up a journalism school at one of the Universities. He and his wife got here in September and will stay until the summer then other faculty members from USC will come and spend anywhere from a semester or two working to keep the program up and going. We shared a few stories on what it’s like to work in a school with Georgian teachers and administrators and he expressed a few frustrations that I had to laugh at. I’m so glad I’m off the learning curve. Not to say that I know it all by any means, but there are very few things that surprise me anymore when it comes to the working relationships and dynamics of a school here in Georgia. Anyway, we had a good chat for a few hours and then I walked around for a while to stretch my legs and enjoy some pretty decent weather.

That weather was short lived by the way. This past week has been all snow, wind and cold. I saw the sun for the first time in a week yesterday and it’s gone again today behind thick clouds, fog and snow. Brrr… I’ll get back to this in a minute.

That day of fresh air though was much needed since my work load has increased a lot this month. I’ve picked up two more private students and my day now generally runs from 8am to 7pm. By the time I get home from school I have about an hour to rest and grab some food before I spend 2-3 hours with private students in the evening. I have at least one every night (sometimes 2) except Tuesdays. It worked out that way and now I’m holding fast to not scheduling any students or allowing any make up days on that night. I need at least one night to myself and so I can knock out some lesson planning at home rather than sucking up my 30 minute lunch break everyday trying to stay on top of it. I do have a good window in my schedule on Tuesdays at school so I can generally get most of the week’s plans out of the way then as well.
Then, last Sunday morning I was sitting around having a relaxing morning cup of coffee when… AHHHHHHHHHHHH! (A blood curdling scream made me almost throw my coffee across the room). The screams continued for several minutes before I had the courage to open my front door to see just what the hell was going on in the apartment next door. Apparently the mother in the family next door had died during the night and as the family rose (late on a Sunday as normal here) they discovered her death. I quickly went back into my apartment as to not be the neighbor who hangs around during a moment of family grief. I could hear everything though from my living room as other family and friends arrived within the hour. More screams and crying as the medical unit came, I presume to announce the death and take any measures that were needed.

Now, what you need to understand here is that in the Georgian tradition the body is not moved out of the house and the wake lasts for 3-5 days depending. There is no embalming process. The coffin is just brought in and set up and the wake begins. So all day Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday the family’s door was open and people were coming in and out and generally hanging around in the stairway in the evenings. Incense was lit on Monday and for three days the stairway and even my apartment smelt like an Orthodox church. Since I elected to stay in my apartment all day on Sunday I did not have a chance to give my condolences to the father (whom I had only met once and spoken to a grand total of about 3 times since I moved in) until Monday when I came home from school. I had no idea what to say other than ‘sorry for your loss’ and give him a handshake and a knowing look. He seemed to appreciate it, but I have no idea if there was anything else I should have done. I was not about to do the Georgian tradition of entering the home and walking around the body three times. I’ve done that before and let me just tell you that there is something to be said for the work of a good mortician rather than the ‘natural’ look. No thanks. I could see it (the body and coffin) from the stairway and the only thing that told me was that they had set her up along the common wall with my bedroom. So for the next three nights every time I went to bed all I could think was, ‘on the other side of this 6” of wall is a dead body.’ I slept well enough, but it was not something I was overly thrilled about. Thankfully the funeral was Wednesday and all seems to have gone back to normal.

In other news, I thought I would share with you what is starting to become an annoying tradition in my 8th grade class. Each week they (the students) seem to get together and determine some kind of question that they want to ask me that has nothing to do with the topic that we’re discussing. And, they generally wait until the middle of the lesson to ask it. I, for some reason, have humored them for the most part and answered the questions. For example, this past week was on the topic of my wardrobe and produced a pretty funny back and forth. I wear slacks, a shirt and tie and my nice black shoes to school just about every day. One of the girls (after some clarification) wanted to know if when I went ‘out’ in the evenings with friends or whatever if I wore the same clothes. At first I was confused by the question because it struck me as completely off the wall. I told her that of course I didn’t and that I generally wore jeans, a sweater (in winter) and regular shoes or boots if it was really icy. This caused a mini discussion amongst them before the follow up question. “So when you go out, do you still wear such big shoes?” I almost fell out of my chair I wanted to laugh so hard. My shoe size has been a topic of humor among my friends and family ever since I was in 8th grade myself. I’m 5’10” and about 145lbs and wear a size 12 shoe. (This sounds even worse by the European standard since it translates to a size 46). My students honestly wanted to know if I just wore my nice black shoes because they are big and shinny. After I stopped laughing I told them no, that my feet were just big and no matter where I went I was always wearing big shoes.

Not all of their questions catch me in a good mood or at the right time either. For example, this past Monday during 1st period History, they decided to ask me why they should have to study World History. Fair enough, but it was the follow up reasoning that got me a little pissed.

“Why should we have to study other people’s history when we are Georgian and have the longest history? Do other people have to study our history? Why should we have to study theirs if they don’t study ours?”

Now I know that throughout my life I have sometimes said the wrong thing at the wrong time and I try never to do that at school. But at 9am on a Monday after just being interrupted by a girl with a bad attitude who just ruined a legitimate question with self promotion, my guard fell a little bit.

“You have the longest and best history?” I asked.

“Yes. Our history is the longest and best and other people should have to study us!” she replied.

“And let me ask you: just what have you done with your long and storied history? What have you accomplished with it? What have you given the world that would make it so that they would want to study what you’ve done with you looooong and rich history?”

She and the rest of the class had a mini discussion about this and then all sat quietly for a minute. I wasn’t going to let her off though because this one student has made it a point to generally bring her bad attitude to class with her every lesson. So I decided to make her answer my question. She simply responded with, “I guess nothing.”

Now, part of me wanted to feel victorious here and move on. Another part of me felt really bad. I know that Georgia does have a long and very rich history. I also know that they haven’t been able to translate that into much progress and historical “impact.” Not all of that is their fault either, but a lot of it is. This girl was simply a victim of interrupting the wrong teacher at the wrong time. I know when I’m at my best and when I’m not. And I am not my best during 1st period on a Monday. So, while I would like to apologize to that girl, I doubt I will since I’m pretty sure this next week will bring an equally asinine question which this time I will try to respond to in a more diplomatic manner.

So I’m going to make a little mention about the weather. December was great and January started off well enough. However the last week of January turned cold and February has been freezing! The sun is gone and the place is covered in snow. The one day it wasn’t snowing it was so windy that I had flashback to Kazakhstan and walking on the Siberian Steppe.

But, all this cold led me to one of life’s great pleasures. I love when I “discover” something that should have occurred to me years ago that seems so simple that I kick myself for not realizing it earlier. On the really cold days I break out those ‘hot hands’ packets and put them in my coat. Now they will last for about 10 hours. I only really need them between about 8am and 4pm when I get home. They still have hours of good heat left in them especially if you put them on top of the heater at home for about 15 minutes and get them ’charged’ back up. But why would I need them at this point? I’m home and relatively warm. Ah ha! With the new low in temperature during the day and since my floor is no longer getting sun during the day, my floors are really cold. Cue the light bulb over the head. After you recharge the hot hands packs, just stuff them down into the toes of your slippers! Warm feet for hours ahead! Now, as I said that may sound overly simple and obvious, but this week has been awesome walking around the house with toasty warm feet. I’ve even had to take the slippers off a few times to cool my feet off. I know. It’s dumb. But hey…

The only other thing I can think of is a movie update for you. I was super excited to the ‘The Rum Diary’ with Jonny D since it was supposed to be somewhat of a tribute to Hunter S. Thompson. I was a little disappointed though since Depp seemed to just act exactly the same as he did in ‘Fear and Loathing’ and the whole story didn’t seem to connect. The whole thing was just watered down in a way and while it did have a few great laughs, it just didn’t live up to my expectations.

So, with that said I’ll leave you with a quote from the movie that did have me laughing. The three main journalists are on their way to get their prize roster blessed by a witch so they can win some money in a cock fight to hopefully print one last edition of their newspaper:
“By day she drives a garbage truck. By night she becomes Papaneemu the hermaphroditic Oracle of the Dead.”