Elvis has not left the building (part two)

I don't know why I feel the need to continue with the Elvis reference, but... here we are back to talk about some abandonment. Well, I'm going to ramble on about what I've been learning. It's your job to keep up the best you can.

One thing that I noted in the first part of this was the assigning of roles to others and then projecting abandonment outwards onto them or myself once they "failed" or "left" me. This projection was something I worked long and hard on to recognize in myself. The idea that nobody is "doing" anything to me or walking away from me. People are walking their own path in life. I'm walking mine. When God's love is present and we are walking together then, "Everything is as it should be in your life." When I'm by myself and God's love is present, "Everything is as it should be in your life." There is only one common factor in all of this... Love and the love of God. Center it all in love and you'll be just fine.

Hard to feel truly abandoned when you KNOW that everything is as it is supposed to be. Faith and trust are needed here dear reader. Faith and trust. Two easy words to type but a singular concept that has to be accepted. This concept of faith and trust has to be transformed into a belief. Not a feeling, but a belief that God is with you and that everything is as it should be. If you, I , a brother haven't gotten to that belief then there is still work to be done. There is still forgiveness and surrendering to be done. Surrendering to the knowledge that you are loved and as the Course says, "God goes with me wherever I go." -WB Lesson 41. So, you're loved, and never alone. Simple as that.

You cannot control what you do not understand. But, you can understand what you cannot control.

Didn't mean to blow your mind on that last statement, but I've got to drop some knowledge when it comes to me. One night I was out walking and it was a bit cold and I started to shiver a bit when that statement of control came to me. I was asking God to help me with some work that I was doing and asking for understanding when I guess I was told that I didn't need to understand it, nor did I need to try and control it. I just needed to surrender and understanding would follow. So, I sat with that for a while and asked to see my abandonment as clearly as possible.

What followed was a surrendering of punishment. What I found was that I would immediately look to punish not only anyone that I was projecting abandonment onto, but myself for any feeling of loss. Guess who that was really directed at? God.
I was a drunken fool standing in the rain, shaking my fist at the sky, and blaming God for being wet.

Surrendering a need to punish came behind the realization that when I looked at it hard enough I was blaming God for it all. I was, as the Course says, a slave to fear and death. My ego was/is doing everything it can to keep me a slave to fear in order to keep me from seeing God as he truly is. It would be impossible to see God as abandoning me if I were able to see him as he truly is; a giver. God wants only to give love. He isn't "out there" to try and punish me or abandon me. Only my fears allowed me to project this onto him.

I laughed at myself for a long time on this one because I saw God as a man standing in front of me constantly handing me $100 bills; then me standing there yelling about how this man never gives me anything. In reality God is always standing beside me offering me love and guidance. It is only I who chooses not to see him as he truly is. It's my job to develop the faith, the patience, and the willingness to accept God. I'm the one who needs to shift. I'm the one who needs to stop abandoning.

As I sit here at work today dear reader I'm laughing because of how differently I see all of this today versus just a few short weeks ago. I'm never alone. I only every feel abandoned when I have disconnected myself from God. I am only afraid when I disconnect from God.

There is still work to be done through self-forgiveness and still fears to be discovered and handed over to God. But as I sit here today... I can never say that I don't know where my "abandonment" came from anymore. It is only I that projects the pain and it is only I that can surrender to the healing. Only I can choose to stop projecting and start seeing not only God, but God in others as well. We're all together in this and God is with us every step of the way.

Enjoy your Sunday!