Who do I see?

I heard an interesting phrase this week in a book I was going through... "Be an active observer of your own life."

Now as you may have noticed dear reader, I have over the past several months been looking at as many aspects of my life as I can find. Trying to find fears, guilt, anger, or anything really that I can and looking at it, calling it up, forgiving it, and eliminating as much "junk" as I can. But what this phrase was referring to was being an observer of the whole human experience.

I accepted a long while ago the premises from which this phrase is referring to... we are not our bodies, we only live in the moment, the past is gone, and there is no use in planning for a future that has yet to come to pass. So, that leaves me with... now. Just now.
What the author was trying to convey is that I am never a human being having spiritual experiences but rather a spiritual being having human experiences. I am a spiritual being observing a human experience in each and every moment. Being an 'active observer' then would mean looking at each and every moment and seeing all of the projections, the fears, and the emotions that are tied up in that moment. From laughing with the grocery store attendant to cursing at the car in front of me in traffic.

The goal (as far as I understood it) of being an 'active observer' is to further enable me to look at where projection takes place most often and where fear is allowed to influence any decisions that I am not handing over to God.
Its supposed to help me, in the moment, to catch myself and say: 'Here! Here is where I'm afraid, angry, having an authority problem, feeling abandoned, feeling guilty, not being honest, judging, or not living/being present in that moment.'

This came to me at a time when I had an opportunity to test out something else that I have been working on. Who am I in any given situation?
I used to think that adaptability was something very useful. Why not? You can relate to everyone by adapting to them. Conceding more, changing your speech, your mannerisms, you interests, or any number of things to further relate to them. But you're not relating to them, you're mimicking them and trying to gain their "acceptance." What you're not doing is being you; the honest and true you. The most loving thing you can do is be who you are. Stop. Listen. Love.

So as I was getting to the, 'this is who I am, take it or leave it' stage of this work, I came across this 'active observer' phrase. Awesome! Here is something that I can incorporate into my life to help me identify when it is that I'm not being honest with myself or about who I am. In the moment... actively observe. Are you doing or saying something because it's what you believe, think, feel, or see? Or, are you acting in a way to best suit those around you? Hmmm... observe and find out.

I had three tests of this over the past couple of weeks and I've got to say it was very interesting. What I found most helpful was the non-judgment of it all. You're observing, not judging! However, when I did find that I was changing or shifting my opinions or statements and caught myself in a non-present mindset, I always snapped back into the moment, took a second, and then asked for God to help me. Help me see this differently, help me not to judge, help me to be present with this person, help me to love.

Amazing!
Again, it's not a tool to help you further judge yourself. I'm sure we all do that enough on our own. What it has helped me do is identify. Here is where you do this, or think this, or project this onto others or the world around me. It does give me more things to go back to and to do some forgiveness on, but being an active observer is proving to be quite an interesting experience. Sort of like watching a child discover new things, being an active observer of my own life is like discovering new things about myself that I've tried to hide in plain sight.

One other phrase from the book that I'd like to share here dear reader at the end of this short little post is this: "You can't have a better past."
Love that. Your past is your past. Everything that happened happened for a reason. All past hurts, fears and wrongdoings are... gone. None of them exist in this moment.

So, take a moment for yourself. Realize that everything is as it should be right now.